People Pleasing vs. God Pleasing

I have been at Belmont for less than a week, and so much has already happened. I'm beginning to see and to understand how much I try to please people and how much I forget about myself most of the time. Now, pleasing others is not a bad thing at all, but if it comes to the point (which it has) where I am stressed out, freaking out, crying, and just truly unhappy, then we know there is a problem. I have realized this is two areas of my life.

1. My current major- Music Education- I don't want to teach music. I haven't found the joy of teaching like I thought I would. I know that ulimately I want to work with children/ youth, but not in a music situation all the time. I knew that I could change my major. I have been thinking about it for such a long time, yet I didn't want to let people down. I wanted to PLEASE PEOPLE instead of doing what was best for me and what God wants me to do. Finally realizing this and talking to my advisor yesterday, I am officially changing my major to "music with an outside minor". My minor will be Youth Ministry/ Church Recreation, something I am totally excited about! I really want to work with youth in a church setting and I really want to work with jr.high. I know. Crazy. But this is my passion, not music education like I wanted people to think or like I thought people wanted me to be doing. And this is what God wants me to do. I have been so busy trying to please others around me, that I have forgotten about what God wants me to do and about His awesome plan... more to come.

2. Church activities at Brentwood Baptist- I wanted to be involved when I came here, and I was last semester by teaching a first grade Bible study on Wednesday nights, and directing a third grade Children's choir. I have lately realized that these activities were chores to me and nothing more. I didn't want to stop, because I felt like I would be letting people down or letting the kids down that I am working with. But by continuing to teach both of these things, I have been stressed out, exhausted, and not in the right frame of mind to even be teaching about God's grace and love. Today I let the leaders of both of these organizations know that I will not be able to continue my duties for either this semester. I know that God will provide people to take my place and that He ultimately has a powerful purpose for all of this.

Throughout all of this, I have realized that all the time I focus on trying to please other people and trying to be who I think they want me to be, is actually taking me further and further away from who God wants me to be. He doesn't want me to be completely stressed out to where I can't even share His love and grace to others. He wants me to be pleasing Him, by worship and prayer and spending time with Him. That's what I'm created to be! God does want us to help out others and do what we can to help them, but He doesn't want us to be on the brink of going crazy and stressing out. God is love and He wants us to share that love. Thank You God for sharing Your love with me.

Do I really believe?

This is me being bored... and procrastinating.

Sometimes I wish I could be that girl...

That girl who the boy only wants to hang out with... That girl who will make the boy stop what he is doing and will call to see how she is doing... That girl who isn't always "second-best" to the boy... That girl who isn't always asked to do something after a different girl couldn't go... That girl who can make someone scream her name from across the room/hall/yard everytime that person sees her... That girl who is confident and not so insecure about everything... That girl who smiles at someone and they smile back... That girl that can brighten a room when she walks in... That girl who is loved and truly knows she is loved... That girl who wouldn't be writing this down, because she wouldn't feel this way... That girl who knows she truly is beautiful in God's eyes and truly believes that deep down in her heart...

Things I love right now...

My Jesus! He is with me everyday and blesses me each and every day! I don't deserve anything He has blessed me with, yet He continues to bless me each and every day. He puts certain people in my life that make me smile. I thank Him everyday for all He has given me.

My parents... It was soo good to see them over Fall Break. They unconditionally love me, and I feel so blessed to have them. They provide for me all the time and I know they will always be there for me.

My Roommate... No words can describe how much I love her! The little things in life we do bless me everyday... going to the caf (happy socks/jacket, "when it's late at night"), chasing her down the hall with gum... laughing all the time. I love you Stephy!

My new friends I met this year... I love them all, from my wonderful suitemates to Becky to just lovely people who encourage me.

My old friends from last year that I am still hanging out with. It's so good to see how friendships pick up right where they left off.

My vocal seminar...I never thought I would say that I loved that class, but I look forward to it every Thursday!

The Phi Mu Alpha boys especially when they sing to SAI... So wonderful. I love those boys!

My Sigma Alpha Iota sisters... They are so much fun, and they bless me each day.

My music education friends... I'm so lucky to be in the same major as all of them.

My friends from back home! Casey Marie, Carrie Mae, and all my NYC friends! It was sooo soo good to see all of them this weekend. I love all of them oh so much! They bless my life each day.

First Baptist Arlington's college ministry... They are so loving and accepting even to semi-new people like me. I love them all.

First Baptist Arlington in general. I loved being able to go on Sunday. I miss it.

My new church... Brentwood Baptist. I love going there. It is so refreshing to find a wonderful church.

My first grade Bible study... They are all so adorable, and I can't wait to see them all on Wednesday! yay!

Blowing my mint flavored bubbles all over the room. I feel like a kid again.

Flowers in my room that brighten my day.

HUGS!

Smiles from friendly people.

Car rides from friendly people.

Coffee! It's keeping me going.

PENGUINS!

That I'm going on the FBCA College Ski Trip this January! yay! It'll be my first time to ski... haha. I can't wait.